The disharmony within me has been so apparent lately. I am experiencing tension in my upper right shoulder blade- which I feel has stemmed from stress towards my assignments, work and my attachment to my past that I’ve held onto for longer than I should. My recent dreams have lead me down a path back to my past- one of loss, hurt and sadness. I haven’t been outside or moved my body much lately. I feel stagnant and I am consuming more foods than needed. My skin is not the best and I am trying to pinpoint what caused such an outbreak. Compared to an expressive and creative September, I have moved inward in the coming October and all I seem to find comfort in is my writing.
Early Spring has been colder than our Winters here.
I enjoy reading back my previous writings, my poems and my work. I am reminded by my creativity and what I can produce. I admire the times when I am in inspired action, and release what I created in that very moment- charged up. The quality of work is so much better and anything else not done within that time frame of magic, is just not the same.
Uneasy feelings like this spark change. I am quite resilient and recognize when such depressive thoughts and feelings arise, I ensure I get back up on my feet in no time. However, I have learnt that I am here to experience all that is human and we simply do not know what happy is if we cannot compare it to the sad or to the darkness. It is okay to be sad, to doubt, to be afraid. Sometimes its easier to dwell in the sadness. It takes less effort. But it is important to not stay in those places for too long and to learn, overcome what is required.
For me, I refuse to feel how I am feeling for the rest of October. I know I am just at a time where my energy levels are low and I haven’t moved much as I’ve allocated too much unnecessary stress towards my assignments and my work. They’re simply signs telling me to slow down. I feel like resting for the month.
I do not feel like creating my empire today, or tomorrow for that matter. That can wait.
My October will involve me simplifying my daily activities, placing more emphasis on my IIN studies, and opening up my time for my family and friends. I realize that I’ve been complaining that I’m alone yet I only just realized it is because I do not allow time for anyone. I will also devote time towards my projects- my YouTube, my writing but make sure I do these at a steady pace, guided by my intuition to produce work that is lead by my heart. I want my October to be steady. And carrying on my recent efforts to be as authentic, honest and raw with myself, I would like to continue getting comfortable with myself so I can let others in.
I am already very proud with the progress I have made. I am loving my body more and more every single day- appreciating that on most days, I am full of energy, I can run, I can dance, my skin glows from being in the sun, I have become fairly toned as I’ve been consistent with moving my body and developed a much healthier exercise routine. I smile more. Hence, I intend to carry this momentum for the rest of the month, the year. Even though I will be slowing down for the month, I will ensure to still surround myself with beautiful things, light up candles, visualize, set realistic goals and feed myself with the most delicious things.
May October be a month of beauty, love and light.