I remember the anxiety days just before my company trip. There was literally nothing to worry about. I was being a baby, I was being close minded. We were literally getting paid to eat, to play, to sleep. All delivered with the best of comfort and luxuries. Anxiety came about from the fact that everything was out of my control. I assumed others would run my day, I would be constrained. I made assumptions. And these played around in my head, drained my energy and altered my mood. My thoughts were that- progress in my business would come to a halt, exercise would be non-existent  and I wouldn’t be able to be able to get access to ‘nutritious’ food.  I feared I would lose body tone, my skin would break out from the humidity, I will be tired every day from all the activities organised. All these thoughts, circling in my head days before my trip, having power over me.  My trip that was only for 5-days…

It came to my surprise, that my skin didn’t break out, in fact, my skin glowed, my hair shined and even though I would be eating 5 meals a day, of food I wouldn’t normally eat, and consumed a lot of alcohol, I didn’t gain weight, I didn’t feel drained, I wasn’t confined. Each day came with blessings. I developed lovely relationships, I got to sail across stunning oceans, lay on the deck to see all the shades of the sky, swam beautiful  beaches, got pampered, danced all night by the sea, tasted the most delicious local food. I got a glimpse of how you can live. I got a taste of it.

On the last morning around 4 am, pretty intoxicated from the party event of the night, I made my way to the beach one last time. And there, I remember, half-laying on the deck chair, I made a pact to the sky, to the universe, to the source that I could always confide to. The one source that truly sees who I am and everything that I am. And there, as tears swelled up, I thanked the universe for bringing me here, for all the events that got me to where I am now. I surrendered and I vowed that I will try my best to live each day guided by my intuition. And to open myself up to possibility, to others, to try, to taste and most importantly, have faith, for there is plenty more to come.


Sit with it

I’m just going to sit with my thoughts and feelings right now. The same ones that have been circling around me all day today. They are unpleasant. They are feelings of being unsatisfied, disappointed and aggravation towards self. This happens often when I expect things, yea, that word- Expectation. And I am fully aware that all these feelings and thoughts stem from the ego, the parasite, the ‘mitote’ as the Toltecs refer in Don Miguel Ruiz books (The Four Agreements, The Mastery Of Love). And the mind THRIVES on all these thoughts, these feelings of inadequacy and dis-satisfaction. That’s how the mind is kept alive (as Eckhart Tolle author of the Power of Now mentions). From afar, my life appears wonderful. I have multiple qualifications, I am the top performer in my workplace, I continue to promote my passion in health, I make sure I keep myself fit and healthy and I am always creating things, learning and developing myself. I am admired, I am adored (I say this in the most humble way). Yet, no matter what anyone says to me, I often see my faults, my weaknesses. I forget who I am, what I’ve accomplished and often spend my time and energy feeling anxious, wondering what’s my next move, uncertain and uneasy with the life I have ahead. And then I get mad at myself for having these thoughts in the first place. When will I ever be satisfied?


I’ve stopped being ‘busy being busy’. I am using my time more efficiently and making real progress with my work. My morning routine now consists of a Robin Sharma video first thing, followed by a run and bullet journaling. Sharma says the biggest asset in any business now days is focus. Given that we are living in a world of total distraction, the ability to do so is so rare in a company now days as everyone seems to be glued to their phones, iPads, spending their most productive and valuable times in entertainment. And with this, confinement is necessary. Sharma is right, it gets lonely. When you rather talk about opportunities instead of victimisation, successes instead of failures, your social circle gets smaller. You realise who your real friends are. Lately, my dreams have been wacky and sleep is less. I’ve been consuming more food, my period is non- existent and I feel dry to my bones. I feel like I have so much heat in my body, so much fire. It is as if it correlates to the productiveness of my days. And so I’ve been looking into Ayurveda to help balance the ‘pita’ within me. They say meditation helps, nature helps. I can do the latter but I have yet to settle the mind as fire does not look like it will be contained anytime soon.


Sending infinite love through my screen

Happy full, super, blood, blue,  moon everyone. May you all manifest your desires, your dreams and encounter more blissful moments, situations and beautiful people in your life that align with your purpose, your love and your light. Sending love to you all 💕


2018: The gem I found 

I wrote this on the New Year. 

Minutes before the new year transition, I discovered the one big lesson, the one big gem of 2017 that I could take away from 2017 and bring it into the new year. 
I found Love. Now, I was never intentionally searching for it in people or things being fully aware to never rely on external means for love anyway. Love was sent to me in all sorts of forms throughout the year.  I was taken on different journeys along with different people who came into my life, the ones who left and the ones who stayed. The ones who made me feel like I was the sun, the stars the moon and the ones who made me feel the opposite. Love was shown to me through my health conditions, my family struggles, my career and personal challenges. Love was never very far from any of them. I lacked love within myself. I chose to put up with people and situations who didn’t treat me well, made  the same mistakes, and harmed myself during the process.  We’ve been brought up to believe that love is precious, love is rare. But this never has been true.  I have come to the end of the year to discover that it is within each and every one of us. It is abundant and timeless. You do not have to limit love to your family and partner. You can give love to anyone and anything and it doesn’t need to be the same love from the family and partner. It comes from being compassionate, being present, appreciating the being that they are and wishing them well. 

In 2017, I got the chance to find love within myself and the moments when I experienced pure bliss, those moments were Love. I could feel it throughout my whole body and I would smile and jump and run. It wasn’t from anything that happened. Often it would be when I was outside but it was love for sure. 

I will bring this into the new year and may every interaction I have, every challenge that comes towards me, be approached with love. 


Just have to take note 

I just have to take note of how I felt half an hour ago. I was working and attending  with a customer, I experienced this overwhelm of gratefullness that translated as tingles that spread all the way down my body. It came from a combination of thoughts that hit after one another- I’ve had the best month at work, I get to go home to have a lovely dinner with mum, I’ve been approaching every person and situation with love, I exercised, I feel fit, I am healthy, I have been feeling ultra-inspired with my new business and I am just one fucking lucky girl. I have shit, I have struggles going on, but amongst all of them, I get to feel these intense sensations that leave me feeling so high I don’t know how to describe. 


Getting lost

This is my own reality and no one else’s.

As I sit here,

In this room, in my room.

With my thoughts, my judgements, my beliefs.

I remind myself that my ego,

the bigger, the inner,


will never be satisfied.

Hence I bring myself,

To myself.

So I can be present again,

breathe again,

work at my craft again,

feel beautiful again,

Love again.